Monday, February 16, 2015

Week #26 - Funny thing about Humility...

Hello All! 

Here is the crazy thing I learned this week. You don't get to choose when you want to be humbled. It's just going to mow you over like a bulldozer. BUT. It's going to be the most worthwhile hit you've ever taken in your life.  

Here was my biggest revelation of the week:  I have no idea how to do missionary work. None at all. You could stick me in a room full of people without knowledge of the Gospel and all I could do was pray as any terrified missionary would. FERVENTLY, and then talk just like Moses had someone else. Without the spirit, I can say two words in Spanish. Hola and Adios. Without the Spirit, I can say a thousand words in English and have none of them mean anything to my investigator. Without the Spirit, I AM NOTHING. 

I'm not going to lie. At first, I resented that. I wanted to be able to do this missionary thing on my own and really make a difference....I wanted to be able to take life by the horns, tell Satan to take a hike and to reach my goals.... This baffles me. How on earth could I have grown up and seen the world with such backward lenses? I can't do anything without this sweet gift from God. This sweet gift that I've had since I was 8 years old, like so many others, but haven't actually used until almost 12 years later. How pathetic is that? I have the power of my Heavenly Father, the strength of an Almighty Being, the force of a God, the authority of an Immortal Being right in my grasp and for 12 years....I didn't utilize it as I otherwise could have. This is the moment where godly sorrow hits. This is the moment when I feel like my heart is truly broken, my soul is finally contrite. This is the moment where I look up from the chasm I dug for myself to grasp my Savior's ever-reaching hand. For the first time in almost 20 years.....I feel like I am worthy to be utilized by the Lord.  

We read of Alma the Younger in the end chapters of Mosiah and beginning of Alma. I remember growing up hearing this story and just marveling about the power of God. He struck Alma down so that he was dumb and entirely weak. But this was the part I missed. In the heading of Alma, we read "The account of Alma, who was the son of Alma, THE FIRST AND CHIEF JUDGE OVER THE PEOPLE OF NEPHI" How could I have skipped over the point of this story? The main thing that we should learn about this story is the power of the Atonement and the ability the Spirit has to change us. When you have called upon your Savior and listened to the words of the Sacrament with aching in your soul sufficient to cripple you....that is when you can look with a brightness of hope towards new beginnings; towards better days. 

I sat after reading this story and realized with a sinking heart of the reality of why I'm on a mission. It took the Lord EVERYTHING to get me to listen enough to come. I had to be "struck down" much like Alma in order to get me to send in those papers. My sweet Savior was so patient with me....How I lasted those few months I don't even know. But I do know that I'm on a mission today because my Savior needed me. He needed me. HE. NEEDED. ME. Not Sally or Joe or John or Jan. Alma the younger become the first and chief judge over the people of Nephi and his past was scarred and imperfect. His choices were much less than righteous. But he was humbled. He was changed by the Spirit. He. Was. Needed.
You are needed. Every single one of you. The Lord didn't call you 200 or 100 or 50 years ago. He called you now. Don't ever feel like you aren't making a difference. Don't ever debate whether or not the Lord can use you. He can. And I can testify that He WILL. Let the spirit be more in your life. Let it envelop you. Give up your beastly desire to fight for yourself and let the Lord fight for you. I promise He is just a little stronger ;) 

I love you all! Be safe. I testify with a heart FIRM in the faith.....this church is so true. So real. And so life changing.
Hna Lake

No comments:

Post a Comment