This week has been one where I've been trying to laugh more.
It's been a harder week. I won't lie to you. We've taught almost no lessons,
essentially knocked doors all day, everyday, and have only one progressing
investigator. It's been raining all week and we've been on bikes. We were
soaked completely for a day straight. But in a blessing I received it says that I
will be a positive person with only a memory of the good times. I realized that
if I remain positive and make things fun, ALL memories will be memories of good
times! This has both been the worst and the BEST week of my mission. I have had
almost no success this transfer....and yet, it's been my favorite.
The hardest thing that happened this week actually happened
about 4 hours ago. We finished cleaning up the apartment and I heard the phone
ring. It was Victor! I love talking to that man. I answered the phone and ask
how he is when he all the sudden launches into asking me if he had done
something bad. I said "No" and then he launched into an
fiery, pain-filled, distraught rant about how the church wasn't true, that we
had lied to him and that we really didn't love him. All because we hadn't
called him once that week. He ranted on and on. We tried so hard to console
him, to heal whatever pain was digging it's claws further into his heart and
all he said was that he didn't want us calling, visiting or talking to him
anymore. This man....who I have called "mi tio" for about 3
months...who I built fences with, ate Cuban food with, laughed, cried and tried
so hard to heal the hurt that plagued him......completely washed his hands of
us and then hung up on us. What hurts the most? The one thing that could heal
him and bring him peace....he just walked out on. I don't care that he hurt me
and threw me on the ground. I don't care. I care that this man.....doesn't want
the most precious gift that could change his life. A member, not even 2 weeks
earlier, had told him of the peace that she could see in him. How he looked
changed! AHH! It KILLS me. If this right now doesn't teach me that everything is in the
Lord's hands, that I am insignificant and that I just work my hardest for the
Lord's purposes....I don't know what will.
I love Victor. I love him with all my heart and soul. I
won't give up on him. This man had a dream that I came and visited him with my
husband and my 1st born child, a little girl. I AM NOT going to let Satan
destroy that dream. I felt spiritual confirmation that Victor was dreaming
about the moment that I would come back for his baptism. If I have to wait for
how ever long it takes....I will. One of our Sisters that lives with us had to drop an investigator
that she loved so dearly. He smoked and drank like crazy... Well, he just got baptized
last Sunday. It took a year, but this man got baptized. Victor will be just like this
man. I have no doubts.
I learned something really cool in the BoM this week. Ammon is
talking all about how he wished that he were an angel and could teach the
world, bringing them to repentance. He then chastises himself for wishing for
more than the Lord had allotted them. I have caught myself many times wishing
for more. Asking why I am the way I am. Judging my weaknesses on another's
strengths. Well, Ammon gave me quite the news flash. God has given us our
lives, experiences, talents etc. for a reason. If you aren't happy with what
you've been given, YOU NEVER WILL BE. We chose, in part, who we would be in
this life. Our job, it's to make the best of the raw materials we have been
given so that when we are worthy enough to see who we were in the pre-mortal
life...we won't be surprised.
Sheri Dew said:
“Is it
possible to be happy when life is hard? To feel peace amid uncertainty and hope
in the midst of cynicism? Is it possible to change, to shake off old habits and
become new again? Is it possible to live with integrity and purity in a world
that no longer values the virtues that distinguish the followers of Christ?
“Yes. The
answer is yes because of Jesus Christ, whose Atonement ensures that we need not
bear the burdens of mortality alone. …
“Through
the years I, like you, have experienced pressures and disappointments that
would have crushed me had I not been able to draw upon a source of wisdom and
strength far greater than my own. He has never forgotten or forsaken me, and I
have come to know for myself that Jesus is the Christ and that this is His
Church. With Ammon I say, ‘[For] who can glory too much in the Lord? Yea, who
can say too much of his great power, and of his mercy … ? Behold, … I cannot
say the smallest part which I feel’ (Alma 26:16). I testify that in this, the
twilight of the dispensation of the fullness of times, when Lucifer is working
overtime to jeopardize our journey home and to separate us from the Savior’s
atoning power, the only answer for any of us is Jesus Christ”
Right now,
I'm trying my HARDEST to let the Atonement change me. Yeah, I'll be honest.
It's hard. Life rips you up. But the Atonement has an unlimited supply of
Band-Aids. :)
I Love you All! You are my favorite!
Hna Lake
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